Moving yet again

Again I am moving house forget how mant times I have moved now been arond a bit I have but this is a tempoary move berofe I find somewhere I can at last call home. Most my life I have never really called a place home and thats probly one of my mian prblems and why I always feel so restless, maybe in 19ish weeks I can find my own pad and  make it my own and feel settled for once this morning I have been busy making a start on my address changing what a pain in the bum that is, bank driving licence and so on but hopefully in 19ish weeks time that will be it for a bit.

I am kinda looking forward to moving back to Carlton I'd thought I would never move back there thinking I was going to have a family to think about and live for a long time in Calverton but things happen and change so off I go again sunny old Carlton here I come this time next week be almost sorted. Looking forward to a week off to think I need a bit of me time get away for a couple of days as its been a few busy months and just need to chill out just hope the weather is good for me but wishfull thinking but you never know.

I am still over the moon with finding out yeterday I am having a healthy baby boy in 19 weeks time he will be here before I know it and then the routine of feeds smelly nappys but you might think I am mad but really looking forward to it. even tho I am taking a week off I dont think Ill be able to properly relax untill a couple of weeks before the baby is born and in my own place where I can call it my own but it sure is going to be a intresting few months.

more good stuff

Today I went with my ex to the hospital for our 20 week scan, yep we arn't together no more but we are friendly for the sake of the baby and also when my kid is 16 least I can say I''ve been there. We found out we are having a boy and he is healthy and no problems what the nurse could see so I am quite happy and have been for a few days now, there is so much I can look forward to now I know I am not with our childs mother no more but got lots of things to look forward to and daft as it sounds I am looking forward to the first feed, giving my boy a bath and yup even chaging the smelly nappy.

Even the simple things like sitting in a park with a ice cream and when he gets a bit older playing in the park and when a bit more older going camping for the weekend I have so much to look forward to and I think the pram will be a instant pulling machine but before I even think about romance again there is a lot to deal with as I still love my childs mother and that is going to get a lot of getting over but least I hope we can be good friends if nothing else and that will be good  for the child for a stable upbringing.

anyroad now I've had a cuppa and recharged my batteries best get back to the grind

Possitive

One thing i have noticed on this blog lately I seem to write on my negative thoghts I need to write on my possitive thoghts so I am going to, yes today has been a lonely bad day but I have done a lot of thinking and it is not all bad I have some very good friends you know who you are I am not naming no ones names as this blog is my thoghts and do not want to mention names but I do need to say a thank you as you have kept me on the stright and narrow these last few weeks.

This weekend I have been so depresed I could of jumped off a brigde quite easy but knowing I have friends out there has made a lot of difference also having a child coming into the world I want to be there for every step of the way, I do want to say more but I can't until Tuesday as I need to talk to my childs mother even tho we have broken up I do want to be friends with her as we have a child I have a very good friend who has been through a lot and he has kept friends with his ex wife and they seem to get on great now they have had their problems but through talking and being strong they have got 2 great kids who I have met their daughter who is a lovely person.

I am sure if me and my ex can have some time apart and hopefuly we can be like my friend and his ex wife and we can bring our child up like his two, this morning i felt so down but this afternoon I did some thinking and to say I was going to spend my birthday alone I have in the end enjoyed it. I had a bottle of red  and after  writing this I am going to put a pizza in the oven and watch some more NCIS which I enjoy watching.

Lilke my councler said I have a lot of good friends who do care about me and they wouldnt mean it if they said call me if I need to talk, I am going to and not feel a leach if I do as talking does work and friends do help each other in times of need I just hope they can talk to me when they need a shoulder to cry on.

Now time for pizza and stay safe out there along with the madduns

My birthday

It's my birthday today and what a shit lonely day it is going to be been another weekend where i've hardly seen anyone i know like normal,  Ill of last seen a person to talk to 8pm friday evening and apart from having a cuppa with a friend yesterday for an hour not going to speak to anyone else untill Monday until i get to work in the afternoon.

Quite crap really only had one person other than my ex txt me then I had to txt her cos lately she hasn't bothered txting me, I know we are not together no more but we do txt each other a few times a day and the last week  I know something has been up as she hasn't been in touch unless ive txt her 1st. I know her boy has been quite ill and she been tired but a hello would of been nice.

 I feel so worthless at the moment how sad am I spending my birthday at work then going to be on my own the rest of the day. It would be nice for just one of my mates for once to ring me and say do you want to do something for your birthday I don't even ring round now as I know people are busy and ive tried to organized things in the past but no one ever gets back or says they to busy I even tried to plan quite in advance before now but still no joy.

Think the only good birthday Ive had was last year when I was with  my now ex and her kids we opened my presents together with her kids and we were going to go out but I said I'd be happy to spend it with her and the kids and then go out later in the eveing, It was such a good day nothing I had before and guess never will again. This year and more than likely every year be just me my ex said she would of spent this eveing with me which would of been nice a pizza and a film but she had to cancel this morning cos said she had work. But I know she just dont want to spend it with me who would.

Think like my sister says I am a loser and always will be I guess with no friends and the few I do have are busy with their own lifes so why should I pester them, for this evening think Ill be spent on the sofa on my own with 3 bottles of wine and pizza feeling very depressed,

 I hope when I go to the docs next week he can gove me something to help with this depression as I really can't cope at the moment I can not sleep and when I do I wake up and daft as it seems I long for company but when I do I can't be arsed just want to slob at home. Work is hard and most the time I just want to jump of a very high bridge and end it all but one thing keeping me going is knowing Ill have a child to care for in a few months time, I am putting such a front on people say I am doing so well and they wouldn't be doing so well but underneath I am crushed broken hearted and empty.

Am I the saddest bloke in the world who hasn't no one to spend his birthday with apart from my dad who I really don't want to go out with as he'll just moan and put everyone and thing down which I don't really want right now. One good thing is I have 5 very good friends who have been there for me and thanks for them Ive had the energy to keep going I  know Its going to get better as I know I can't keep feeling like this.

Driving

Ment to of done this a few days ago but other sfuff kepted getting in the way.

Many of you know how I hate bad driving and before you say yes I do have some bad habbits myself but none which cause any accidents, most people shouldn't be given a driving licence these days half can't read the road and the amount who twat around doing well under the speed limit is silly.

Todays drive to work was just silly I had one driver infront of me doing 15 mile an hour in a 30 zone the road was empty and stright as a die, but he was quite happy just doing 15 miles an hour for 1 it makes the driver behind mad and fustrated 2 it can make the driver behind take a silly risk and could cause an accident or something else.

To make matters worse once the 15 mile an hour driver turned right I had less than 5 mins okay driving then a woman driver pulled out infront of me and twatted along doing 20 in a 40 limit zone all the way to Arnold, I couldnt over take her as the roads wasn't safe todo so the journy which in the evening can take just under 20 mins took me 40 mins to do so annoying i must say.

The coppers should be pulling these drivers over and fining them drivers who do not indicate or hog the outside lane doing 20 miles an hour when its a 40 or 50 zone so you have to flash your lights to make them move and if they don't move over you have to undertake them which is not aloud and if a copper catches you you can be fined for undertaking as it can be classed as dangerous driving.

If drivers started being fined more often for silly dangerous driving there might be better driving standards on  our roads,

Not great

I had friday off as had a gaming session with one of me mates did a fair amount of xbox golf and wasnt to bad if only I could play for real life I would be worth millions, then sat morn i faced the rest of the weekend by myself i got home for about 10am after a bit of shopping i know you all going to say I am being silly but never felt so alone.

I didnt speak to a single person from 11:30 pm friday night until half 9 this morning I am feeling so depressed right now, but least one thing I did this morning was talk to a councler something I should of done years ago as she saw right away I needed help. I feel at times I could jump off a very high bridge the next just curl up and hide away, all weekend I longed for company then when I finaly got to work I felt like I was going to go into panic attack but now I ve been at work a while I am not so bad.

But at the moment everything is just such a effort got so  much I need to do but just got no get up and go in me whats so ever, least one thing I am not getting pissed but not sure if comfort eating is doing me any good either not eaten so much  like i have recently. One thing the councler said was it'll be a good thing to try some antidepressants so goign to make a docs appointment and see what he says might be just the thing i need.

Least today ive also done some mock exams for english and maths which I am doing quite well at even suprising myself at times how well I am doing Ill be looking forward to my exams which are in a few weeks time who knows i could be the next brain box.

Need to stop feeling sorry for myself

The time ive felt sorry for myself is unreal last few weeks ive felt so low felt like jumping off a bridge or packing a back and fucking off but its not going to solve anyting my problems are still going to be there, I wonder if back in april may last year when me and my ex broke up i wondered what would of happen if i'd never took her back. Would I be any happyer not realy I'd still be this unhappy fucked up person i am now, depressed to fuck why am i so depressed lots of reasons really.

Ive never been really honest to myself always bottle up my emotions I feel so lonely and alone its silly my birthday is coming up soon and the only person who is going to spend it with me is my ex as I know for sure non of my friends will be free to do anything like most birthdays never done anyting for them think the best one or the i remember most is my 30th and the one last year, the only one person i know would go out with me is my dad but i dont really want to go out with him as ill just get his negativeness and dont really want that.

I keep thinking of moving back down to Chelmsford but can I really do that with a child on the way? not really as I want to be a dad to my child even if  I am not with the mother of my child no more who I love to bits so much, I think that hurts the most as I love her so much I can't see myself being with no one else. Over the last year so much has happened Ive told her some big secrets about myself which I to be honest she can never really be happy with me she would never admit it to me but I know deep down she never can acept who I really am.

What woman would want me anyway I can't help being bisexual it's who I am at the end of the day but one thing if  I am with someone a woman I'd never cheat on them, one reason why i keep myself shut off as every normal woman who ive ever tried to get close to has always ran a mile or not wanted me cos of my speech then to know iam bisexual as well what a bluddy can of worms .

But one thing I am looking forward to is Monday morning I have got a councling appointment fuck knows where I am going to start so much to talk about I have some good friends I can talk to but I think someone who is not connected to me would be good as I am not ashamed of who i am now as I was before Its just I dont know Monday might be a good

Least one thing I am not taking my problems out on beer like I normaly do but seem to of picked up a bit of a comfort eating habbit. Not sure whats worse getting drunk or eating like I have been doing I am not eating loads just having a extra meal a day so in the eveing when i get home from work been having a snack. It beats waking up with a hangover or damaging your liver with the amount of drink I used to get through.

Least Ill have a bit of company today as been to see the ex to change her flat tryer and also off to see one of my mates later for a xbox session, rest of the weekend I dont know what am doing yet but I do want a dvd afternoon/evening think am ready for one of them after the last couple of mad weeks just to chill out and have a pig out

wow how long has it been

cobwebs around here or what its been a year and a half since ive last put a post up on here bluddy hell but am back. Whats happened since ive last been here ? erm where do i start all i can say is iam going to be a dad in july, my life is quite fucked up at the min feel like i want to pack a bag and just fuck off as all i want to do is cule up in bed and stay there but am fighting on as its not about me now my child is soon to be in this big horrid world. I'd thought i had everthing a sexy woman her 2 kids who liked me and who I got on great with and a flick of a switch all took away from me, what a mess thought I had it all planned out talk of setting up a new home with her and her 2 kids plus ours on the way I dont know life hey i will post more on this in coming weeks but i still cant belive how long ive been away.

What else have i done since ive been away ive gone back to college to gain my gcse's which i should complete by time the baby is born early july, I still hate my job i work with a guy who is good at some of his job but makes a easy job very hard and a 10 min job takes 30 and so on drive me mad but i do look forward to the next week when they swap shifts and i have the other chap on who makes a easy job easy and no faffing around.

I still cant believe iam going to be a dad I never thoguht it happen but it is and I guess with the situation with the mother how it now is I just have to make a good job out of a bad situation, I have had some very good friends over the last few weeks who have been there for me and if they wasn't I'd think I'd of done something silly like when i tried a few years ago which again ill post later.

I will be poping by to some of my old haunts as i'd like to get back to blogging properly and get back in touch with some of my blogging friends has anyone heard from four dinners has he got a blog going and if so where is he writing and does he still do his radio show.

well cheerio for now and hope to hear form some of you lot soon

back of the bank holidays

well iam happy to see the end of the 2 back to back bank hollidays we have had, yes it was nice to have a bit of a break but with being skint and no one to share it with felt a bit of a waste realy, this last one the royal wedding i got payed so it wasnt to bad but still was bored and fed up but i got all my jobs done

my car got though its mot but i had lots of advisorys for next years mot so i changed my head lights, back seat, door locks and seat belt clip, i also sorted a bit of rust out while it wasnt to bad now thursday just got to take it for its service so should last me a bit longer i was quite pleased with my head lights as i got them for 50 quid i was looking on the net and was getting worryed as they were anything from 50 upto 80 quid a side so was starting to panic but luck had it a local scrap yard had a pair of head lights just in stock for 25 quid a side so was well happy and they looked brand new and they do look quite good,

sunday saw me go to dovedale for the day wasnt to bad but not the same by yourself i did a 7 mile walk and climb 2 hills i know my fitness has inproved as last time after walking up one hill and walked a mile i was knackered so to do 7 miles and 2 hills i was quite happy but tired i had my packed lunch on top of a hill about a 600ft up the view was amazing and not many people passed me as sat there for 40 mins seeing other people climb up the hill and got so far up then went back down, i must say the wind was a bit bad once you got half way up but i just continued as i wanted to get to the top but i managed 3 quarters of the hill before i chickend out cos of the wind but next time ill go right to the top,

anyway its just good to get back to some norm as been a bit off my routine of late but now iam backish on it have a goodun and stay save even tho bin laden is dead so they say theres still some nutters around

almost finding the time

well the last few weeks have been quite manic at work and in my social life, work has had its up's and down's and there is goign to be a change or 2 at work come after easter i think but more will follow on in the next week or so also ive become a single man again after a year and a half we didnt break up on bad terms and are still firends but i think in our current situations we both needed this maybe one day we might get back to gether who knows but at the moment i know being single is just what i need,





also in the last few weeks since i last posted i have done my 1st charity 5k run for those who dont do k's it is 3.2 miles and i ran it in 33 minuets now my goal is to do the 5k in under 30 and build upto longer distances, this has been quite a break though realy as i never thought i be doing these 5k runs but iam happy with my progress so far and just need to see where all this takes me, on the cycling front iam still been doing a lot of that think ive been overdoing it a bit as last week ive had a realy bad back i know i must of gotten the fittness bug as ive been layed up for 4 days and on the 3rd i was wanting to go on my bike and the gym but i wasnt goint to risk pulling my back even more, iam almost over my bad back now still get a twinge here and there but i can do gentle exercize and cycle and i hope in the next few days i will completely get better,





also these last few weeks ive been managing my time much better but seem to still be struggling with my blog some of the problem is i have so much to say i dont know where to start, or its the case of knowing what to say but writing my thoughts down as it never reads right when i put them down on here but iam thinking sod it and just write away anyway iam goign to make more a effort to post on my blog i know i said that last time but hey i might even do it





have a goodun and stay safe as it sound like there still nutters trying to blow each other up and stuff

mother nature hitting back

i was reading over on http://hadpunk.wordpress.com/ about the end of the world, i have often thought lately about things like this is mother nature telling us to slow down i dont think a war will be the end of the world i think mother nature will wipe us out

just look at whats happening weather wise round the world look at oz land how bad there rains have been look at the big earthquake in new zeland and now japan how much more is mother nature going to put on us, i think all this global warming is happening much quicker then the scientists 1st thoguht just look at the amount of cars on the road i never thought the traffic would be this bad there are many familys in brittan who own more than one car now

just look at the other eve the amount of traffic on the road at 10pm was amazing just a busy as 12pm lunchtime and for sunday once a nice quite day can now be just one of the busyest days on the road, i hope in the next 12 months with the price of petrol road tax and insurance it will price many people off the roadand make for a quiter life, but i suppose people will stop doing stuff like going to the pub or having meals out to save money for there car but i think the next 12 months will be very intresting finance wise for many people

if prices of living ie food petrol bills for the house somethings going to break as if i lived by myself i more than likely hardly go to the pub or i would most probly give my car up, oh well enough of me rambling on have a goodun and stay safe

fitness and motivation

in my last post i mentioned i would add more about my fitness and motivation, the last 2 months has seen my motivation realy rise and ive been the fittest and lightest ive ever been for a long time, and even running 5k 3 times a week which i never thought i'd do my weight stands at 13st 10lbs iv notbeen that since i was in my early 20's and my uncontroling sweating has become a lot better,

i still need to sort my sleeping as that is still hit and miss but i suppose that is part of life but when iam on the morning shift which i have to get up at half 4 in the morning just having 4 hours sleep a night isnt very good at all, one of the things iam a bit dissapointed with is my cycling ive not been doing that much as iam still a bit lazy but with the petrol prices iam making a big effort to get back on me bike as its only 20 mins to work so iam being silly realy ill get there

2 things ive got planned for this year for my fitness is a 5k run end of march and see how i go a half marathon in september and a cycle to skeggness and the half marathonwill be the big ones i think for this year think the cycle to skeggy will be middle of the year that will be a 80 mile ride iam hoping to do that in 10 hours yup you heard me right i think its quite a realistic time and for my 5k run time i would like to run it in 25 minuets which again i think is a realistic time

on the whole 2011 looks a good year to finish my weight loss program and get myself to the full fitness i once was when i was in my early 20's iam going to lose another 3 quarters of a stone and see how i look as i think once ive got down to 13 stone i should look okay only time will tell

anyway time for a cuppa and stay safe you lot

busyish week ahead

well what a cold start to the week i wasnt expecting it to be -2c this morning when i got up i was feeling a bit wired friday morning waking up to the news about japan, because i was talking to me mate thursday about how we going to have a supermoon these next few days

that is when the moon is closest to the earth the last time the moon was so close was 12 years ago i think but dont quote me and this time its just over 200,00 miles away from the earth, iam was feeling a bit wired fri and sat cos on thursday i was talking to me mate in how i think this super moon will give us some crazy weather either a earth quake or tsunami and what happens japan gose and have both, i was feeling quite starange

i dont think ive suddenly got perdicting powers it was me just being me and speaking my mind about whats going to happen with the weather and expecting the worse to be honest i thoguht we would have some high winds and some snow but nothing like whats happened in japan

anyway this week looks set to be a busy one iam upping my training cos my 5K run is fast aproching 27th of march its going to be tight if iam going to do the run in my expected time of 25 minuets as ive been a bit lazy last 2 weeks but the next 2 iam going to push myself and go for it my training will involve cycling and more running and rowing if i keep to my plan i should be okay just hope my motivation keeps up as iam quite looking forward to my run as ill have proved a bit point to myself and friends thati can do a run

as over the las 14 months ive achieved quite a lot in my personal fittness and life style cut the drinking down doing okayish with the junk food not had a kebab since last august which iam amazed myself realy as people who know me knew how many i used to have i still have a pizza or fish and chips now and again but thats about it these days, i dont seem to have the cravings for junk food like i once did iam goign to write more about this in a later post but in all iam quite happy with my progress maybe i could of done the whole weight loss thing quicker but least this way iam doign things i still can enjoy some of the food i like

also this week iam off to the pics and catch up on a few films theres a few i want to watch and with me being on mornings this week think its the best time to catch up, one i would like ot see is iam number 4 and battle los angeles and a few more as well, with films lately iam watching quite a few some have been good and some bad think iam going to make a film review posting once a week as iam watching so many films at the mo think it be a good idea

right iam off to get some breakfast as me belly is growling at me and you lot stay safe

owning a car

cars are getting a expensive thing to own these days with petrol prices getting to 1.40 a litre car insurance and road tax keep going up the other eveing i filled my car half up and it cost me 35 quid to i worked it out that to fill my car up to the rimm could cost me just over 70 quid what a shocker,

i also got my car tax reminder yesterday and thats 205 quid the last 2 years its gone up 30 quid, also this year my car insurance went up 100 quid to 440 a year so to run my car this year along with a mot and service in april its goign to cost me just short of 900 quid a lot of money realy to say iam 35 my insurance should be much cheaper

when i first oned my 1st car when i was 25 a litre of petrol was 73 pence i went mad when it went upto 75 pence a litre lol but i never thought owning a car has gotten this much out of controll, reading the papers recently petrol could go upto 2 quid a litre if and when it happens i realy will have to rethink owning a car,

it would be a sad day if i was to give my car up but on the other hand i cant justifiy paying that much for petrol well have to see what happens over the next few months its going to be intresting to see how we all cope with this constant increse in petrol

anyway iam off on me bike to work today have a goodun and stay safe

Quick start to 2011

well been a while again since my last post had lots to say but dont know where to start with it all and time to a certain degree, as ive been quite busy with work and at times my scoial life has been busy, whats happened since my last posting, well money wise iam good iam busy paying my dad back what i owe him already payed 1600 quid off so by the end of the year i should be debt free,

iam now making my monthly wage last me till the end of the month now and even saving each month which ive not done for 5 years or so and its a good feeling to be able to save even if its just a little, and when it comes to not being able to affrod to do things with freiends iam no longer amashmed in telling them i can not aford it i just dont go out, which makes me again feel loads better,

my drinking is okay ive decied not to stop but have one good night out a week then one night in the week ill drop in to the pub for 2 pints and iam quite happy that ive worked out why i was drinking for and now ive opened up to friends and family about my problems i dont need to hide behind drink and the last coupel of months have been thebest of my life for a long time

me and joann are still together and with it being valentines day soon ive got her a nice supirse nothing to major but its enough to say how i feel about her cant belive its almost a year and a half we been together now and still going strong

i also cant belive how quick 2011 is going i was only celebrating new year in with frinds at the local 5 mins ago now its febuary already and before you know it another year gone i have lots of things planned for 2011 as last year was a bit of a washout with lack of days out but will post about them later on

light at the end of the tunnel

last few weeks have seen me not doing much at all not even done much blogging either just not seemed to of got round to it, but in the 1st time in ages iam stright with my money this month when i get payed will be the 1st time ive not owed anyone apart form my dad and once ive payed him his monthly bit all my wage will be mine for once,

its such a good feeling that iam not going to have to pay anyone anything no more bank charges nothing looking forward to doing a bit of crimbo shopping and not have to worry about if iam going to have enough to last me till the end of the month things will still be a bit tight but far better off than i once was, these last couple of months have been a bit rubbish but least iam not worrying about debts as such now and with my december wage ill be even better off and have a proper crimbo for a change, to think

one of the other things ive been dealign with is my drinking iam doing okayish with that last couple of months ive only been going out once twice a week and not realy got drunk and iam finding when i do go out for a pint i enjoy it more as iam not goign out regurly on a certain night, but last night i did go out for a pint and felt rough as fuck this morning only had 4 pints iam happy with my drinking at the moment still thinking of totaly packing up bit iam going to see what happens but for now things are looking quite good

dealing with my drinking

one of the things over the last few weeks is cut my drinking down i dont feel i have a major problem as such but i feel i need to do something about it, i dont wake up every morning feeling to get pissed or do i go home thinking i oh boy i need a beer it more than when i do go out for a drink these days i can get through a few,

and when i do go through a few beers i feel like iam another person and not in control of myself, iam not bothered to a certain degree what i do or say to anyone but in the same time iam not totaly lost all my common sence as i know what iam doing and i know that i can get home without crawling on my knees or puking up every moment

iam not realy sure what iam gong to do either totaly stop or cut down even more these last few weeks ive not realy touched beer think the last 3 weeks ive been out to the pub 3 times and thats not like me i can easily go out twice a week no problem, but i have enjoyed stopping in and not getting drunk and doing daft things,

ive caught up on loads of telly and started to watch new programs some times over the last few weeks come 9pm ive been fighting to weather to go out or not fought the feeling than half an hour later the urge to go out has gone and just carryed on watchign was i was on telly, and just enjoyed the one can of beer

only time will tell what i decied to do with my drinking

goose fair and peechykeen formaly big wok

with it being goose fair i did go this year as one ive not been for at least 5 years and with me havign a ladyfriend to take we both decied to go and i went on a couple of rides, yes me going on a couple of rides 2 i enjoyed but after the 2nd i was feeling delicate my ladyfirend asked me to go on the waltzers with her but i wasnt to sure but me being me i went on with her but i didnt enjoy it one bit and i was even more delicate afterwards,

the fair is not the same as it once was you need a mortage to go there realy witih rides costing 2quid upto 10 quid a pop each even hook a duck was 3 quid all the stalls were mainly food stalls its a wonder they could all compete with the amount there was but them must make a quid or 2 as they wouldnt of been there, its much smaller than in previous years and a burger at 3 quid a pop i didnt bother having one but saying that it might of been better than the food at the resturant we went to before the fair

we went to this resturante called peachykeen once called big wok when it was big wok it just sold chineese food and it was great help yourself buffet the amount of times i went in i never had a bad meal but in august this year it closed down saying it was being refubished, its now reopened as one of these resturants which dose a bit of all sorts of food, me myself when they do this kind of thing they never realy work

there is a place in town called red hot which dose the same thing but something isnt right about it, for example you have roast beef and yorkshire puds but nothing to go with it, its all a bit missmatched same with this peechykeen place they have a little bit of chinesse italian and other food but they mainly offer curry,

all well and good but the singage wasnt that good i didnt realy know if the currys on offer were hot mild or very hot there were lots of sauces in jars but i didnt know what they were cos again no signage, the puddings were stored next to the front window on a table we asked one of the waiters what this liquid was and he said its supposed to be jelly i looked at my ladyfriend and both looked with a okay look, i just wasnt inpressed but ill give it anothe go when they have been opened a bit and if still not any good ill not go no more

shame they changed as there was nothing wrong with big wok as the food was good hot and loads of choice of chineese food puddings were in a cooler and cold and i think peechykeen will waste a lot of the puddings as they are not cold, time will just tell if peechykeen will be a sucsess or not

not blogging much

well ive not been doing very well with this blogging larky ive had all good intensions of writing least a couple of times a week, but just not done so, readers have seen ive made this blog private ill invite you if you want no problem as with this blog iam goign to be writeing more about my private life and work and i dont realy want every tom dick and harry to read but i feel i want to write about it

since my mad weekend lots have happened and changed ive moved back to my parents which i didnt want to do but it was the best thing to do for the time being, and iam settling down there okay, work is going okay but at times i think is it all worth it, it might be easyer to get the sack claim every benifit i can and get some girl pregnet and claim even more benifits but then with me working iam a little more better off or will be by crimbo when my finances a bit better off,

one of the things iam having to deal with is my drinking i think i might have a bit of a problem but not totaly sure, iam not waking up wanting a drink every moring to get me going or anything and i can last a while without having a beer but when i do i go a bit mad and feel like iam going out of controll,

as iam normaly a shy quiet person normaly but when i go for a beer and i seem like when ive had a couple i start losing controll i get brave and dont care what i say or do, and when iam like that it could be more dangerous so for the time being iam not going to drink beer while out but have a can or 2 in the house like i did last night i enjoyed having a beer last night but i didnt get wasted,

only time will tell with the drinking, but one thing my motivation is back up and feel like i want to do things once again iam enjoying my cycling, and i want to start running once again, dealign with depression ive not realy done much about it to be honest i feel i can handle it at the moment without needing to go and talk to anyone but again ill see how that goes but one thing is ill not use drink to deal with it no more

as the other evening i felt a bit down and could of quite easyily gone to get drunk but after half an hour of fighting the feeling of needing to go out for a drink i just ended up on the xbox and didnt have a beer at all so time will see,

depression stress and not sleeping what a 2010 its been

hello everyone yup i know its been a while may since ive last posted or seen anyones blogs but it has been quite a 2010 so far i can tell you loads have happened and dont know where to start to be honest, but ill have a go and see where this post will take me

this year has been quite a minefield ive gone thorugh depression stress and many sleepless nights and i had a bit of a mad weekend which i nearly ended everything, but lucky for me i saw sence and came back home to face the music and sort my problems out

think the depression has been with me a long time but without realizing i was depressed in one way the sleepless nights have been with me for 3 years but been a major part of my life for the last 12 months and everything came to a head a couple of weeks ago when i nearly ended everything by wanting to drive off the white cliffs of dover but thankfully i saw sence and still here a lot happyer but still got some way to go before iam 100% happy with things

the last 6 months i was noticing i was in trouble when i just had no energy or nothing work was becoming hard to deal with and i was managing on 3 maybe 4 hours broken sleep anight then the last 2 months hardly sleeping at all, it was quite horrible realy but now i can see light at the end of the tunnel and things are a lot better than they were 3 weeks ago

theres been a few changes in my life but all for the good house moving a little change of life style but on the whole iam a lot better and iam even sleeping properly which ive not done for a long time i feel almost human again black bags under my eyes are almost gone energy levels are up and i can deal with my job which iam enjoying once again

i will explane more on my feelings in upcomming posts but for now i think this will do for what 2010 has been like and i will come to visit blogs very soon